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Funerals should be less complicated
By Reba Stringham
September 19, 2005 | Growing up, I
told people I preferred attending a funeral over a wedding
any day. The reactions I received from this comment
were usually confused and pathetic looks. I then would
explain to them, with marriages you watch as two people
unite and pray their marriage will last. As for funerals,
you already know if the marriage lasted, if the person
led a fulfilling life and made a great impact on peoples'
lives.
This made sense to me at the time. I had been to four
or five weddings and only three funerals. My view of
funerals have somewhat changed over the years. Attending
my grandmother's funeral last week, made me realize
I would much rather attend weddings.
My grandmother had a large family. She was the mother
of 12, had 56 grandchildren and 58 great grandchildren.
If you asked anyone about her, they would all claim
she was a saint. You would have to be a saint to raise
that many children. I once had 10 roommates in a five-bedroom
apartment, but that doesn't come close to what my grandmother
went through. She raised 12 children in a five-bedroom
home in Ogden. My grandmother was 46 when she gave birth
to her 12th child. By then, she already had four grandchildren.
While having surgery to remove a tumor from the left
side of her brain, my grandmother suffered a stroke.
When the doctors explained there was little hope for
recovery and only the respirators would keep her alive,
my grandmother asked to be removed from life support.
She told us she was ready to go. Her death seemed pretty
sudden. She lived to be 78 years old. She was my last
living grandparent. Her passing was pretty hard on the
family. Therefore, her funeral was extremely poignant.
I have decided that when I die, I want a happy, inexpensive
and explicit funeral. I do not want to have a long-drawn-out
funeral where all of my relatives are spastically weeping
over my grave. As many people put it, funerals are to
celebrate the person's life. I expect my relatives to
celebrate my life when I pass away.
My grandmother's viewing was the hardest for me. I
don't understand why people have viewings. Getting one
last look at a deceased acquaintance, especially an
older one, just doesn't seem all that flattering to
me. Sure, they look very peaceful and quaint, but why
would anyone want to have their last memory of a loved
one, be of their lifeless body lying in a large, decorated
box? I prefer a closed-casket viewing with a large portrait
of my youthful self surrounded by bouquets of blue and
white flowers. With this type of setting, my friends'
and relatives' final memory of me will be a pleasant
one.
My funeral process will be quite different from the
ones I have attended. Instead a long, drawled-out service,
I prefer my favorite church hymn to be sung at the beginning.
Following this, I would have one or two of my closest
relatives share a few comments and memories of my happy,
carefree life. I would also have them share the many
wonderful qualities that I possessed and how I made
a difference in their lives. Perhaps, I should just
write out my own obituary and have one of them read
it at my funeral service to save time.
My burial will also be a simple one. The cemeteries
of nearly all of the funerals I have attended were over
on the other side of the city. Then the burial plot
was over on the other side of the cemetery with an obscured
tombstone to mark the secluded grave. This seems so
pointless to me. Why make a funeral more complicated
than it really should be? My ideal burial plot would
be conveniently located at the entrance of the nearest
cemetery. This way, visiting my grave would be extremely
convenient and accessible.
Even though my view of funerals has changed, I still
have the same opinion of weddings. However, if the marriage
does happen to last, I would pray the couple would be
smart enough to get life insurance so they would be
able to afford a funeral someday.
NW
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