Is that hottie taken? Check out the left hand

By Tatiana Southam

September 15, 2005 | It's amazing how many differences exist between high schools and colleges. College campuses are bigger, there are fraternities and sororities, the teaching style is more intense, there's a heavier workload, there are more students, and they're a little more mature than high school students, or at least most are. But I believe the biggest difference that exists between the two is marital status.

When a freshman first comes to a university or college, he learns early how to determine if someone he is interested in is "taken" or is single. All he has to do is look at the left hand.

One week before I started classes at Utah State I learned quickly about this new "culture," as do most other freshmen. I was at Lee's Marketplace picking out some grapes when I saw this guy directly across from me by the oranges. He wore dark jeans with a plain red T-shirt and a Boston Red Sox hat. He was by himself, and I noticed he looked my direction a couple times and smiled. He must like me, I thought to myself; I should talk to him.

I told my health-freak roommate I thought this guy was cute. She responded, "He's taken."

"What?! How do you know?"

Annoyed, she replied, "Look at his hand." I looked over the stacks of green grapes and saw his left hand grabbing an orange. I was struck with awe when I noticed a big silver metal thing on his finger. A ring. And not just any ordinary ring -- a wedding ring. My eagerness to start college and have a wider variety of guys to date had suddenly dulled. I felt stupid.

From then on, I never made the same mistake. Before I even looked at a guy's face, I looked at his left hand first. Then why is it that some students still don't know to look at the left hand? It's one of the easiest ways to see if someone is taken. You don't have to risk rejection. You don't even have to embarrass yourself by talking to the person. You simply just observe.

Even though it's harder for the female gender, I've noticed they seem to understand this concept a little better than the male gender, or maybe the males actually enjoy the humiliation. When a couple is engaged, the girl wears the ring, not the boy, so it's harder for women to know if a man is taken or not. Men, on the other hand, have it just a little easier. A man can tell if a woman is engaged by the engagement ring. He actually still has a chance at wooing her, but chances are slim. If the girl has a wedding band, however, this means she's married and therefore taken, yet some men are still somewhat blind to that concept.

A few years after the incident at Lee's, I had an experience that proves male blindness. I was walking home from school and was about 20 feet behind one boy walking with two girls. I was in a hurry to get home, so I was speed walking. The boy ahead of me slowed down, and I thought nothing of it. When I was about to pass him, he looked at me and asked me how my classes were -- as if we knew each other. I thought I must have met him somewhere before, but discovered I didn't know him at all.

As the conversation progressed, this boy started using pick-up lines on me. "You have a really pretty skin complexion," he said. I almost laughed at the comment. That's a good one, I thought to myself. This tall boy with a baby face seemed like a freshman with his lame pick-up lines, but he definitely wasn't.

I politely answered his questions and used small gestures to make sure he could see my own wedding ring. I brushed my hair behind my ears with my left hand, I scratched my eye with my left hand and I placed my left hand on my cheek. I didn't want him to be embarrassed if I bluntly told him that I wasn't available. I was confused that this guy didn't understand I was "taken." My ring isn't dinky, and even if it was, it certainly catches the sunlight really well outside. However, the poor guy just didn't understand the obvious, and I figured he never would.

Right before we separated on our different paths, he asked me with a broad smile and a wink, "So, what are your plans for right now?" His words and facial expression implied he wanted to take me out on a date. I acted oblivious to his inquiries, and politely responded, "I'm going to have lunch with my husband before he goes to work."

I couldn't help but feel bad for this boy. His facial expression turned from shock to sadness. Then, when the two girls he was walking with before began laughing hysterically, he immediately turned bright red from embarrassment.

I didn't want to stay there walking with the boy and add to his embarrassment, so I quickly crossed the street and said goodbye. I can only imagine how he felt. I had been in a similar situation before, too, but luckily I never flirted with the guy at the market place. I felt bad for him, but he also brought this embarrassment upon himself.

When I think about this experience, I sometimes wonder if I did the right thing. Should I have just told him upfront that I was married? What if he wasn't trying to ask me out, and I told him I was married? I would be the one embarrassed. Everyone has been in this type of a situation before, whether it has to do with asking someone out, or talking to an old friend who mistakenly calls you the wrong name. And, as selfish as it sounds, I've come to believe that it's better to be the humiliater than the humiliatee.

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