By Myrica Hawker

"He opens the door. Out of nowhere, the music kicks in. They look at each other with that look. . . . They do that walk, and they just start wildly going at it."

It's a scene you've seen a hundred times on television soap operas and romantic movies. Do they ever ask if it's OK to kiss the other character first? Is the soap opera scene the way to act in real-life dating and relationships?

Not according to Mike Domitrz, who presented a program called "Can I Kiss You?" Wednesday in the TSC Ballroom as part of the ASUSU Arts and Lectures series. Domitrz, author of May I Kiss You?, speaks to students across the country about the importance of communication and respect in physical relationships.

"Talking is sexy if it's done right," Domitrz said.

Domitrz posed a number of questions to the audience.

How do you know when it's time . . . time to move in for the kiss, that is?

The audience volunteer, Jamie, said he knows it's time when the girl won't stop looking at your lips, and they give you "that look."

"That look" being a sexy -- and somewhat cheesy -- come-hither look. In other words, everyone concluded you try to read your date's body language, which the women soundly agreed men are horrible at. And, yet, there was dead silence when the women were asked why they keep using body language on men if this is the case.

Why don't couples have honest communication and ask permission to kiss?

For women, answers included being shy, fear of being too forward, not wanting to scare off the guy or ruin the moment and wanting to confirm the guy likes them first to prevent embarrassment.

The guys, on the other hand, don't ask because they assume the girl likes them if she's on the date and because it is embarrassing.

Domitrz then told why he began speaking on this subject. When he was a college sophomore, his sister was brutally raped.

"I was filled with rage. I wanted to kill the person that did this, to be perfectly honest," Domitrz recalls.

This incident made him think, and he realized rape was sex without consent . . . or without permission. He began questioning whether he'd ever asked permission to kiss his dates, which he hadn't. He said the issue is really black and white--do you have permission or don't you?

Domitrz demonstrated that basically all the girls in the audience would appreciate a guy who asked permission, and should she not give it, respect that. Girls want this type of guy, not the macho guy with the cheesy line, because the guy who asks is sincere, not controlling, shows respect and gives her a choice.

Talking about what both partners like and are comfortable with is important even if you are in a relationship or married, Domitrz said.

"It only takes one moment to care by showing respect because body language is unreliable and the only total, true way you know you have consent, the only way you can know you have permission is by asking," Domitrz concluded his
presentation with this reminder.

The lecture had a strong turnout of several hundred students, whom Domitrz kept laughing nearly the entire 45 minutes.

Junior Janelle Wilcox, 24, came for a psychology class.

"I learned that it's OK for girls to ask, too," Wilcox said.

"I thought the information was really good and he presented it in a way that was entertaining," said Steve Skinner, 21, a senior and science senator for
ASUSU.

More information about Mike Domitrz and his book can be found at CanIKissYou.com or MayIKissYou.com.

MS
MS