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Getting married? How to prepare for the rest of your life By
Katrina Cartwright LOGAN -- Last year, 2,327,000 Americans took that walk down the aisle. This number represents 8.4 percent of the population, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention at www.cdc.gov. But how to prepare for a wedding is something many people are uninformed about. Following "will you marry me" and the accompanying "Yes!" are dress fittings, caterers, photography sittings and wedding invitations. Sometimes it's hard to know where to start, and schedules vary from couple to couple and region to region. Here in Utah, engagements seem to be much shorter than in other parts of the country, said Joan Ashliman of Petals and Promises, a wedding gown shop. "This area is really funny like that," she said. "Most people around here come in to get their dresses three months before their weddings, where in other parts of the country it's 10 months before." According to "the ultimate wedding preparation timeline" at Citizen-Times.com, the first things a newly engaged couple should do are clear their heads, find out how involved the bridegroom wants to be, determine the number of guests and decide on a budget. UtahWeddings.com suggests ranking 10 things in order of how important they are to the couple and family in order to determine the amount of money that should be budgeted for each item. Although there are dozens of things that must be considered when planning a wedding (some books list hundreds), there are a few main points nearly every engaged couple has to deal with: pictures, invitations, the dress, gift registries, the rings and emotional preparation. The first of these, engagement pictures, should be taken care of two to three months before the wedding, said Jerry Goodsell of Photo Reflections Plus. Utah Weddings, on the other hand, puts engagement pictures in the four-to-six-months before the wedding range. The most important thing to remember when planning for pictures on the wedding day is to allow plenty of time, said Goodsell, who has been taking wedding pictures for 25 years. Schedule everything so there's plenty of time," he said. "You need to spread everything out because if you get in a time crunch, people get grumpy." He recommends planning for one and one half hours of photo time at the wedding and an additional two hours before the reception. The timeframe in which wedding invitations should be mailed varies, like many aspects of wedding planning, with who you ask. According to 2020site.org, they should be sent between 15 days and four weeks before the wedding date. But the general rule is six weeks before the ceremony or eight weeks in the case of those who have far to travel or if the wedding date falls on a holiday, according to "It's Perfect" at itsperfectweddings.com. Individual couple should determine the timeframe that works best for them. All invitations are sent from the home address of the bride -- even friends and family of the groom, according to the 2020site.org Web site. It is recommended to plan a month for hand addressing, stamping and assembling the invitations, and couples should get an invitation mailed at a post office to ensure proper postage. In fact, it is a good idea for a bride to mail an announcement to herself before anyone else to make sure there are no problems with size, postage, addressing or something else, according to the It's Perfect site. Utah Weddings suggests brides pick out their dresses four to six months before the wedding date. But Ashliman said the average in Logan is about three months before the wedding because of shorter engagements, though this timeframe usually works fine, she said. The average wedding dress locally runs around $500, although they can be as little as $100 or over $1,000, she said. Gift registries should also be taken care of four to six months before the wedding, according to Utah Weddings. Debbie Grindy, an employee at I love to Cook! at Kitchen Kneads who takes care of registries for that store, said they are a good way to give gifts because they ensure the presents will be something the bride and groom want. "This way, they're giving you something you would like," Grindy said. "That way you don't have to take it back to the store." She said couples commonly announce where they are registered by word of mouth, with their invitations or in newspaper announcements. Another advantage of registries is that many stores offering them also provide a gift for the couple as well as other incentives just for registering, she said. As far as engagement rings go, the unwritten rule that it should cost two months' salary is not generally adhered to these days, said Joseph Needham, a jewelry designer and manufacturer at S.E. Needham Jewelers. "I get a lot of guys who ask me about that," he said. "But what I encourage most people to do is to get the ring they know they'll be happy with for the rest of their lives, whether it takes more or less than two months' salary just do what they can. "It is kind of a guide, but you don't have to follow it, of course. Make her happy is really the bottom line." The general things to look at for a quality engagement ring are straight stones that match in brilliance, strong bridge and prong work that will last and a thick and strong shanks, the bottom half of the ring, said Needham, who buys 80 percent of his company's rings. And one thing to be sure not to overlook is the groom's ring, Needham said. He said he has had more than one couple come running into the store the day before their wedding because they forgot to get the bridegroom's ring. "It's definitely something not to put off, but people do anyways," he said. "The guy's ring gets forgotten in all the hustle." Perhaps one of the most important aspects of preparing to get married but one that is often overlooked is emotional preparation, including fine-tuning communication skills, said Michael Hindy, a marriage and family therapist. "I'm a firm believer that it matters more how you deal with problems than what they are," he said. "If a couple is willing to work for a good marriage, then I have great hopes for them. "It used to be if people were having problems in their marriage, they wouldn't see a counselor for a few years. Now they'll come in after two or three months. Ideally, they'll come in before they're even married." One thing Hindy, along with other counselors in Utah, recommends to engaged couples is the RELATE (Relationship Evaluation) test, which compares the individuals' values, attitudes and beliefs to determine strengths as well as areas in need of help. "It's important to know what to expect," he said. "Every relationship has strengths, and every relationship has problems. Some people are afraid to take the test because it will tell them not to get married. But that's not what it's about. It's not smart to close your eyes to where problems might lie." The test can be taken online for $10 a couple, and the results come in a 21-page packet. Couples are surprised a lot. "Sometimes they just assume the other felt the same way about something as they do," Hindy said. "If people understood what it really was, they would be excited about doing it. They wouldn't be nervous." Although every wedding is different and unique to each couple, there are some general tips that can be helpful for everyone. More information on planning a wedding locally can be found at UtahWeddings.com.
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