Being awesome at fantasy football is easy

By G. Christopher Terry

November 8, 2007 | 1. Get a cool name for your team -- My team is called Rape Stand this year. I heard about the Rape Stand for the first time this summer. It was a device that Michael Vick had at his dogfighting compound which he used to hold female pit bulls in place so the male pit bulls could impregnate them without getting their doggy faces chewed on. As soon as I heard the term Rape Stand, I knew what I was going to call my fantasy football team this year. You have to have something intimidating, the default Team Your Last Name Here just won't do.

2. Dominate the late rounds -- A lot of importance is always placed on the top two picks of the fantasy football draft. These are the rounds where you can get players who are capable of singlehandedly lifting your entire team to a championship, like San Diego's LaDainian Tomlinson last year or Tom Brady and Randy Moss from the Patriots this year. So that importance is justified, because you'd better nail those picks or you could be screwed no matter what. But don't give up, just because your top picks were duds. This year, you probably would have been happy if you drafted the Kansas City Chief Larry Johnson and Miami halfback Ronnie Brown in the first two rounds. You would be in big trouble. LJ has underperformed expectations, and massively so. Ronnie Brown was the top back in the NFL until he was knocked out for the season. But blowing an entire draft is pretty rare, in fact it would be difficult to do even if you tried.

My first two picks this year should have been golden. Instead, New Orleans MVP candidate Drew Brees has led the NFL in interceptions and St. Louis running back Steven Jackson did nothing, and then got hurt. I should be buried in the dregs of the BYU Sucks League. But I'm not. I am 6-2, riding the longest winning streak in the league. How did I survive the seemingly catastrophic results of my first rounds? I did my homework and I dominated the later rounds of my draft. I am winning with an entire team, not with two studs and a bunch of random guys.

Most people are lazy. They don't research players beyond the top 50. If you are willing to do some digging you can consistently come up with late-round gems. One example from my division-leading Rape Stand team this year would be New England wide receiver Wes Welker, who I picked up near the end of the draft. He is currently the fourth-ranked WR, averaging 14.9 points per game. Welker dropped far or went undrafted in most leagues because he is the number three WR in New England this year, but what I was counting on was that being the number three option in the Patriot whirlwind offense this year is pretty damn good. Welker has been a matchup nightmare operating out of the slot receiver position, and has put up monster numbers especially in the last three weeks as Brady's favorite outlet receiver.

Not all late-round fliers work out. I had a good feeling about San Fransisco quarterback Alex Smith this year. He did nothing, then got injured and was replaced by the even-more ineffective Trent Dilfer. I cut my losses rather quickly on that one, and picked up Jason Campbell, a young quarterback for the surprising Washington Redskins. Campbell is averaging a healthy 15.3 points per game. You have to realize you aren't married to these guys just because you spent all summer convincing yourself of how good they were going to be.

3. Be aggressive on the waiver wire -- Actual football games have a way of quickly changing perceptions about what constitutes a good draft. Every year, lightly regarded players become valuable and players projected for great seasons do nothing. Be proactive. Read your box scores and look for the no-name guys with the big numbers. Put in claims for all the players you want Tuesday morning and cross your fingers. If you are lucky, and you've been putting in the work, you will land a player like Maurice Jones-Drew, the Jacksonville running back, who ended up beng a top-ten runner after going undrafted in nearly all leagues last year.

Here's three success stories from the highest scoring team in the BYU Sucks League; Rape Stand: Dwayne Bowe, rookie Kansas City wide receiver. Bowe averages 10.3 points a game, pretty good for an undrafted player. He's my fourth-best WR after Welker, Torry Holt and TJ Houshmandzadeh. Owen Daniels, the tight end from Houston, is another example of crafty prowling of the waiver wire by me. I bet a lot on San Fransisco's Vernon Davis, a second-year tight end, this year. When Davis got hurt early on, I had to grab Daniels off waivers. Daniels isn't going to put up huge numbers, but 5.3 points a game can be the difference between a win and a loss any given week. Daniels has been valuable enough that I am currently holding onto him even though Davis is healthy again and scored 14 points last week. Finally, running back Derrick Ward of the NY Giants was a big help to me. When Brandon Jacobs got injured early in the year I was able to pick up his backup, Ward. Ward put up some serviceable, double-digit point totals for me in weeks when I badly needed the production, what with Steven Jackson on injured reserve. Recently Jacobs has gotten healthy and started taking the lion's share of the carries in New York. This coincided with Ward getting hurt himself. I quickly dropped Ward, and added Michael Bennett, the backup runner in Kansas City who was traded to Tampa Bay to be a starter. That is what is called good roster management. Bennett hasn't done anything yet, and he may not, but it's only one roster spot, and it's worth the risk if Bennett can put up double-digit points one week when I need a starting running back.

A simple rule to follow is, it's rarely a bad thing to be the most active player on the wire. Constantly trading out your weakest performers for guys whose stock is on the rise can strengthen a team as the season wears on, while other teams are weakening due to the attrition of injuries.

4. Don't make trades just to make trades -- Before this season, I was worried about rumors I was hearing re St. Louis Rams wide receiver Torry Holt's ankle. Holt has been one of, if not the most, consistent fantasy football performer of the last five or six years. I strongly considered trading Holt for a player like Denver WR Javon Walker, but the other owner's asking price was prohibitive (and frankly out of line with market values) so I shelved the idea and held onto Holt. Even though the Rams offense has been an unmitigated disaster this year, with Jackson's situation, and quarterback Marc Bulger getting hurt as well, Holt is still Mr. Consistency. He scores 10.6 points per game, making him the tenth-ranked WR. Walker is out with a knee injury. There is no way I could have foreseen that this would occur, but my point is still salient. If you did your predraft homework, and you are staying active on the wire, you should have a solid team unless you are just ridiculously unlucky. Which is possible. In which case, trading won't help you either because you'll have nothing good to trade. So while I am aggressive in pulling the trigger on a trade that I think will translate into a stronger team for me, I don't just make trades all willy-nilly. Sometimes the prevailing winds are just breezes. Slow and steady, and all that.

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