Men-only holiday traditions get 2 thumbs down

By Elsa Lee

November 28, 2005 | Every once in a while a woman must stand up for herself and this was that time. My husband's family has a holiday tradition for all the guys to go out together and go golfing, paint balling or some other macho guy sport. This Christmas Eve it is the Seattle Seahawks vs. Indianapolis Colts.

My brother-in-law informed me of this plan with a friendly instant message. "So, Christian talk to you about the game on Christmas Eve?" No, you dork. He is trying to put it off, because he knows I will say no.

"We will be back in time for the Christmas Eve parties." You mean, back in time to eat all the food we have spent cooking all day while you guys ignore us.

"I'll have to talk with Christian."

So, that evening when I confronted Christian and played along that I was going to the game also, he quickly corrected me: "Actually, I think this one is just for the guys." I think this is for the guys. Come on, you don't think, you know it is.

If the girls were invited too, I might have actually contemplated if we could afford the $75 tickets, or if my mother, who unfortunately happened to be born Dec. 24, would be willing to put off her birthday celebration till later that night.

Since it was only guys, I did not even think twice; absolutely not. Christmas Eve is for the family, for playing games, putting puzzles together, or sitting around and talking.

I will admit I am a bit of a feminist. I was raised by all girls: my mother and two older sisters. My mother taught me that girls can do anything guys can do. I will not stand for this macho tradition to be practiced in my family. I have dealt with it long enough, even before we were married.

Christian and I had only known each other for a few weeks and he had invited me to spend New Year's with his family for a few days. On New Year's Eve day, I was left at home with all the women to cook and talk, while the men went golfing. Christian's sister was about to be married and so the conversation quickly turned to sex. Definitely not the subject anyone would want to talk about with their new boyfriend's mother and family.

At the time, I had overlooked this awkward situation Christian had put me in, but you can overlook incidences only so many times.

I do not have a problem with cooking the holiday meals. In fact, I love cooking and I probably would not want to eat anything my husband tried baking anyway. But who said I do not enjoy paint balling or golfing. I love doing outdoor things, and Christian knows this.

The truth is I feel left out. It makes me angry that the men are spending our money having fun, while the women stay at home baking. The men have all the other days of the year to go do play by themselves. Why must they choose the holidays for their personal recreation?

Christian's family may continue with this tradition for as long as they want. I cannot stop them, but I can stop what happens in my little family.

I told Christian how it was going to be from now on. "I will come too. If it is football or racquetball, I will play. And once we have kids, they will play also. Holidays are family days!"

Surprisingly, he did not complain. Maybe he knew no matter what he said, he could not change my mind, or he saw the perturbed glare in my eyes. Or maybe these men have been trying to get away with their tradition for as long as they could, and they knew that someday someone would stop it.

Holidays are family days!

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