By Matthias Petry

"Hi, my name is Matthias, I'm from Austria."

OK, what did you think when you read this? Was it rather "Hey, cool, I think I saw you in The Sound of Music," or did you think "So, are you already missing the sight of kangaroos and the taste of Fosters?"

If you went with the first one, you are wrong, but, Hey! At least you got the right country. If you chose the second one, you are one of many Americans that seem to have problems finding a difference between Austria and Australia.

OK, I have to admit that I am far from being a geographic genius myself. I could not tell you for example the highest mountain in South America, how many square miles Russia measures or where the heck you could find Burkina Faso.

Well, actually now I do know where Burkina Faso is because I looked it up before using it here. My point is that these examples are in my opinion rather "Yes-I'm-ready-to-apply-for-Jeopardy"-material.

However, what I would consider really basic geographic knowledge would be -- hmm, let me think -- for example knowing the difference between a small country full of mountains in the heart of Europe and an island full of deserts in the southern Pacific, like Australia.

Before I came to the States I had heard from numerous sources that this whole issue of mixing up the two countries is a very common mistake around here and that obviously not even The Sound of Music and Mr. -- oh, sorry, I mean Governor -- Schwarzenegger were able to make people aware of it.

However, I still did not believe that this would really happen until I experienced it myself. I had not even been in the United States for 24 hours when I got introduced to a girl at the check-in desk of my dorm. When I mentioned I was from Austria she promptly told me of her friend that she believed lived in my country, in a city called Victoria. After a couple of seconds that I spent thinking, which part of Austria could have such a strange, English-sounding town, I finally realized the misunderstanding. So I told her that she was probably talking of Victoria in Australia.

"Sorry, I'm from Austria. You know, like, Austria, like, Europe, like, Mozart, like, NO KANGAROOS, you know??!"

When this happened two or three more times, I tried to figure out if it could be my own fault. Maybe I just don't speak distinctly enough when I introduce myself by saying "Hi, my name is Matthias, I'm from Austria." Maybe the last two syllables of this phrase turn into some kind of undefined, strange-sounding mumble-grumble.

Because the next thing that usually happens is that my opposite greets me with "g'day mate!" and asks me in some weird, hardly-recognizable-as-English slang if I have ever worked on a sheep farm or if I like Fosters. I have to admit that I don't know any Australians, but I can't imagine that their English sounds that stupid!

I also came up with the explanation that maybe rather the opposite is the case. Maybe my English-skills are so great, that when I introduce myself with the above phrase it sounds very native speaker-ish. Well, but modest as we Austrians usually are (exceptions to that rule are likely to become the best-paid actor in Hollywood and governor of California), I assume that's not it.

Anyway, whatever the reason is, maybe I can help you out by shortly explaining some of the major differences between two countries.

Let's just take a closer look at a world map. See, that rather small spot right in the middle of Europe between Germany, Switzerland, Hungary and Italy, that's Austria. You know, Austria, like, Mozart, Waltz, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Herman Maier, The Sound of Music or, like, yodeling (which is by the way not our preferred way of communication but rather the ultimate, desperate attempt to make ourselves understood when we're too drunk to communicate verbally).

Literally on the other end of the map you have Australia. That's the big spot down on the right hand side, right in the middle of -- hmm -- well, nowhere, surrounded basically by lots of water. You know, that's like, Australia, like, deserts, sharks, surfers, sharks eating surfers, Fosters Beer, Aborigines and, like, of course, kangaroos.