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Spelling "millennium" correctly isn't Y2K's only problem: watch out for Pokemon and Al Gore
By Dan Chase
But my fear doesn't stem from the exhausted, irrational worry that computers will shut down, thus causing major power outages, food shortages and a depletion of money in banks. My fear stems from the fact that we're departing the 1900s not as intelligent as we could be. What?! Yeah, you heard me. It seems as if many of us are having a problem with spelling. And if the $1 million question to ABC's Who Wants to Be a Millionaire was "What is the correct spelling for the term we use when referring to 1000 years?," my bet is 99 percent of the contestants would miss it. Let's see how you do. Here are the choices: A) Millenium B) Milenium C) Millennium D) Milennium. If you chose "A," ... nice job. You didn't get it right, but you spelled it like the rest of the English world has done so since the whole Y2K thing became an issue. The correct answer is "C" as in "Chase." It seems a little ironic that many are worrying about what will happen when midnight of Jan. 1 strikes, when they can't even spell the dang word. Here are some classic examples: According to this week's edition of Time magazine, American and British newspaper and magazine editors have left out the second n a total of 4, 709 times in 1999. Let me remind you that this number is bound to increase as there are still 42 days left and a lot more publications. Time also reported that cosmetics manufacturer Elizabeth Arden has created a new product: the Millenium Energist Revitalizing Emulsion. And my favorite--a scene from NBC's coming movie Y2K, which displays New York City's "Millenium Hilton Hotel." "We did it to have originality--for the creativity of it," a custodian at the Millenium Hilton told Time. Yeah right.
The real reason is somebody didn't run the spell checker. He should be fired. But I'm not accusing anyone of their inability to spell. I was eliminated in the fifth grade spelling bee for misspelling something like "acorn." If I would have been given the word "millennium," I'm sure I would have dropped a load in my pants. In all seriousness, though, many are worrying about what will happen come Jan. 1. In my opinion, such people have seen the Y2K movie preview one too many times. Not that I think Y2K doesn't look like a good movie. It looks pretty
intense, and I'm all for it. In fact, when it shows on NBC this Sunday
at 8 p.m., I'm sure I'll pop a bag of popcorn and invite myself over
to my mom's house, where I can raid her refrigerator and consume her
goody drawer. Worry No. 1: The X-Files will go off the air, prompting me to settle for other lame Sunday prime-time shows like the made-for-TV network specials. Are there ever going to be movies that don't include the stories of love affairs and battered women? Probably not. But please don't think I'm insensitive--I'm just tired of seeing the same old movies. In addition, I don't know if I could handle a Sunday without the beautiful Gillian Anderson in my living room. On the other hand, I'm sure the most beautiful woman in the world--my wife--could. Worry No. 2: Pokemon begins putting gum with their trading cards. They'd also begin printing price guides that predict many of their cards to out-value Babe Ruth's rookie card. Not only do I see this as a major threat to baseball cards, but I am sure Pokemon would slowly become more popular than professional sports. Especially football and baseball. I hate to say it, but the day may come when the beer-bellied Monday Night Football junkies hand over the remote and hit the streets, looking for the nearest Pokemon card carrier. In addition, baseball lovers, beware! I can see it now: a 100,000 square foot Pokemon museum right across the street from the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, N.Y. And finally, worry No. 3: Al Gore becomes president. Need I say more?
Properly prepare for Y2K. Building a bunker is probably the best idea.
At least that's where you'll find me--with my 72-hour supply of Gatorade
and popcorn. |
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