Rape: a survivor's journey to hell and back

In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. ­ Albert Camus

By Heather Williams

LOGAN -- Lily is not a victim of rape, she is a survivor.

Lily, 22, used to be a designated driver for her friends. Late one night she was walking alone through an alley towards her car when she was attacked and raped by a stranger.

"I think about it every day," Lily said. "It doesn't ever leave you."

Lily's not alone. About one in six women in America have been a victim of either an attempted or completed rape, according to a 1998 survey by the National Institute of Justice and Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Nine out of every ten rape victims in 2003 were female, according to a National Crime Victimization Survey.

Ages 16-24 are high risk for sexual assault. After age 24 the risk steadily declines.

Also according to the survey, only one in three rapes was actually reported to officials.

One of the most common reasons that victims do not report this crime is they feel it is a personal matter and should be dealt with privately.

However, there are people who dedicate themselves to helping sexual assault victims.

Jenny Krompel is the Rape Program coordinator for CAPSA. She said perpetrators can violate boundaries, but they don't have to take away your voice. You can work through trauma-not overnight-but there are services to assist on the road to recovery.

Rape myths keep women silent, said Krompel. There is a fear that if a victim tells a friend, then it will spread around and keep circulating. Some are afraid of being labeled as damaged goods. Others are afraid of retaliation from the attacker. Certain women feel that they can just shut that door, and it will go away.

"It just doesn't happen," she said.

Lily reported her attack the next day. She said her clothes became evidence. The detectives took the clothes she wore the night before when she was attacked.

They found her attacker two days later.

"I felt scared and relieved," said Lily, who asked that her real name not be printed.

She felt scared because she would have to face him in court. On the other hand she was relieved because he was going to pay for what he had done.

Rape offenders are usually an acquaintance of the victim. Fewer than 6 percent are strangers, according to a study released by the Utah Commission on Criminal and Juvenile Justice.

Statistics show that one in five women in Utah will be raped in their lifetime, according to the Deseret News.

Lily said after an attack you just want to go in your room and stay there.

"You put yourself in a bubble so no one can touch you or talk to you," she said.

It's necessary to go out and do the things you know are safe, she said. Lily went to church, and back to work. She said she never thought she could go back to work, but work helped her keep her mind busy.

Another part of the healing process to some is prosecution, Krompel said. However, not every victim of rape prosecutes. It may depend on the circumstances, or how much support the victim has, she said.

Krompel said you need to reach out for support in any form. Most people don't realize CAPSA has services.

"You don't have to suffer a private crisis," she said. "You don't have to suffer alone."

It's difficult to deal with violent trauma of a sexual nature 40 hours a week, said Krompel. However, they see success and it reminds her of why she's there.

If the victim has support, it still remains their decision of whether or not to report the crime, or to prosecute their attacker. Even if they choose to prosecute, the victim maintains the right to anonymity.

"It remains the victim's choice to come forward by name, and it should be, given the intense emotional residues that continue after such a personal violation" according to the Omaha World-Herald.

Lily chose to prosecute.

Court lasted two days, and she said those two days were some of her worst. She said the prosecutor attacks and it is a horrible thing to endure.

"I'm the victim, and someone's trying to make me feel like I'm doing something wrong," Lily said. "People have a tendency to blame the victim instead of being their friend or helping them.

After two days of court sessions, there was enough evidence to find her attacker guilty. He was sentenced for three to five years. Lily's only request for when he gets out is he gets counseling. There have been other women who face their attackers publicly.

"By taking that difficult step, these women have resolved to communicate an invaluable message to other victims: They are not alone and they are not to blame. And they remain every bit as dignified a human being as they were before someone tried to take that dignity away" according to the Omaha World-Herald.

Lily said that if telling her story can prevent at least one woman from being raped, then she's done her part.

However, if someone is raped, her advice is to start a journal.

"Write everything down while it's fresh in your mind. Get it out of there," she said.

Also, she said to get into counseling as soon as possible. You don't want to put it all on family and friends because you begin to feel like a burden and clam up.

The faster a survivor can get connected to medical, legal and psychological resources, the sooner they can deal with it, Krompel said.

Lily said her journal is full of frustrations and anger.

"Eventually I'll start a new journal with positive things."

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