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Are you my mother? Some parents, adoptees wrestle with a question of biology By
Leah L. Culler
Mark, a new father in Arizona, is grateful to a girl he's never met for giving him his son. Because Mark's wife could not carry a child to term, the couple made the decision to adopt. Since Jan. 1, more than 17,000 babies have been relinquished for adoption in the United States, according to the Council for Equal Rights in Adoption . People such as Mark and his wife, who can't have children of their own, are grateful to the biological mothers of these babies. But the big question for many is whether these biological mothers have the right to ever see their children, or whether their children have the right to conduct a search to find their mothers. In a 1996 letter supporting the passage of laws that would allow adoptees to acquire their original birth certificates, John C. Sonne, M.D., urged those in opposition to change their minds. Sonne said denying adoptees access to this "part of their identity" was robbing them of a part of who they are. Mark says his son will know he is adopted, and that he will support his son in any search he desires to conduct. He said his only concern is for the feelings of his son, because his biological parents have requested they not have contact with their biological son. Mark said he really thinks there is not much of a difference in the emotional bonds between adoptive and biological parents. He said if there is a difference, it is in favor of the adopted child-adoptive parent bond. "So many parents take their children for granted nowadays," he said. "Every minute with our son is precious to us. The sound of every laugh and every cry is a wonderful sound in our once too silent home. It was not long ago that my wife would cry in the empty room that is now decorated with Winnie-the-Pooh wallpaper and is littered with toy cars and trains. Do you think we would ever complain about going on family outings or having to get up late at night for feedings and such? Not in a million years. Instead we pinch ourselves to see if we are dreaming a wonderful dream." Mark said his son's birthmother gave him up for adoption out of pure love. "She went through a lot to give him life," he said. Jennifer Brockhum, an 18-year-old adoptee, said being adopted is a great thing. She knows her biological parents and was raised by her aunt an uncle. "I feel that my biological parents realized that they could not take care of me so they gave me to somebody that could," she said. "I love them very much for that. It's not that they didn't love me, they just wanted what was best for me at that time." Despite how satisfied a child may feel with his or her adoptive parents, there are always feelings of curiosity. Adoptees who desire to search can find helpful information at the following Web sites: Adoptee Birthfamily Connections
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