|
|||
  
 |
By Tiffany Erickson
"Thank you for the interview," I manage to say as I try to walk out of her office as composed and professional as a good reporter should. But after doing everything from laughing to fighting tears to getting chills, I feel emotionally drained. Nonetheless I am reluctant to leave, because even after nearly an hour interview I know that I have only grazed the tip of Star Coulbrook's iceberg. Coulbrook is an assistant writing center director and instructor in the English department at Utah State University. Her cropped brown hair and slight figure bely the enormous amount of strength she has exhibited through the years. At age 40, after getting out of an abusive marriage, Coulbrook went back to school. Since that time she has almost completely changed her life, along with her name. "I walked out of school the day I turned 16," said Star. "Back all those years ago you could go tell the principal, 'I'm not learning anything and I'm leaving.'" She later got her GED and came to Utah State in the winter of 1992, and worked straight through to her master's in poetry. In that time she was able to learn the importance of writing and its healing power. "When I came back to school I had gone to CAPSA and gotten help in being able to leave because I had tried to leave a number of times before," said Coulbrook. "It was an abusive relationship and I had just not been able to get out of it." With CAPSA's help she was able to get far enough away from him that he couldn't continue with the apologies and 'take me back scenario' that so many go through, she said. The first quarter she was in school she had taken a poetry-writing class from Ann Shrifer and it somewhat re-sparked her love for writing that was established as an early teen. "I wrote a poem when I was 13, and my speech teacher liked it," said Coulbrook. "When you get compliments on your writing, then you do it because then you think you are valuable or you're worth something and it sparks any talent you might have had." She then took a second class from Helen Cannon. Coulbrook said Cannon was the one who really started sparking the healing through writing, because she encouraged honesty and candid writing about the way students really think and feel, and not the way they think that academe needs their writing to be. "She encouraged writing in a way that affirmed your emotions and let you know that what you had gone through, not matter how big or how small, was valuable experience that you could reflect on it and make changes in your life by acknowledging what your writing had given you," said Coulbrook. She said that with her three teachers and mentors -- Shrifer, Cannon, and Ken Brewer -- she realized that writing was something she needed to do to grow and learn and start trusting herself. "The things that I wrote about were liberating and they helped me too move on," she said. Cannon said that Coulbrook's writing really stood out in her class and she has continued to be a marvelous writer. "When she first came into my class, I knew she was an excellent writer," Cannon said. "I have known her and watched her essentially change her life." Now as a veteran of healing through writing, Coulbrook conducts workshops to help other women in this endeavor. She teaches them that they need to take care of themselves first and if there are things that are too hard to write about immediately, it is OK to wait until they feel more comfortable. The main thing is to write truthfully and in many genres. "To sit down and write about what is troubling you is not always the most productive thing," said Coulbrook. "You can rant and that's good and you need to do that, but there are ways of structuring for an audience that would be more helpful for you as a survivor of violence." She teaches that experiences can be put into fiction, essays or poetry as long as you are able to get to the truth and reflect. "The main thing is to write it," said Coulbrook. "What we've been through is valuable and unless we share our experience with others, who have been through similar experiences, they won't get a chance to understand that they too can move beyond the pain, beyond the suffering and be able to get through it -- sometimes that is all we need to get out of that cycle of pain." However, she said it's an important thing to acknowledge what happened and in that acknowledgment understand that those who abuse have been abused and need help not punishment. Writing is a device that can open the door to all of that. "I think of it this way," said Coulbrook. "I would not be who I am if it weren't for the things that happened in my life. You can't have suffered things without learning something. If we let the abuse and pain continue and fester inside and never put it away from ourselves on paper where we can look at it objectively, then we never get anywhere." She said that one of the big objectives that starts the healing process after it is on paper is figuring not why it happened but where to go from there. Every fall Coulbrook conducts Healing Through Writing workshops in conjunction with the USU Women's Center's violence prevention week. It is advertised through the Women's Center, Victim Services and CAPSA. The workshops themselves are conducted in a safe environment where women feel comfortable to write. Many of the women who come to her workshops are still being abused so it is important to make the environment nurturing and comfortable. Janet Osborne, director of the Women's Center, said that people who decide they want to try this type of writing need to seek out someone who is technically skillfull but at the same time has the ability to relate. "She is a good teacher and can help women by providing tools for their own self discovery," said Osborne. "It's a real gift." "It is a big step to take and a frightening process," said Coulbrook. "It took me 23 years." She keeps in touch with many of the women and she also has a healing through writing group that meets once a month to talk and share their writing and talk about it. Coulbrook said being able to watch these women grow, change and heal is really humbling. "It's not me," said Coulbrook. "It's just knowing there is a place you can be with people who have been through the same kinds of things who you know are completely accepting of everything you have been through no matter how horrible. It's just remarkable what can happen." She said that in total she has started about three groups which continue to grow. As these women emerge they are able to take over and bring different aspects to the group. "She is a very bright, ageless woman," said Cannon. "She manages to do an enormous amount of things and makes time for everyone in her life." Cannon said at one time she had wanted to do a profile of her, but just couldn't touch it because Coulbrook is so complex. However, complexity is the last thing felt in her presence; rather, it is more peace and strength.
NW |
||