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When freedom turns to violence in marriage By
Laren Hawkins
They fell in love in high school. When you are sixteen-years-old and completely infatuated with the star high school football quarterback, you overlook some of the signs pointing to trouble. "I loved him!" says Lori, now a single mother and working long hours as a hotel clerk. "In high school, I never would have imagined the horror he would put me through." Lori married Tim in late summer 1991, she had just turned eighteen. She wanted to be self-reliant, and free. But this so-called freedom quickly turned into bondage. The violence started soon after they were married and continued for over two long years. Lori emotionally recalls one of many life-threatening incidents that will forever be imprinted in her memory. One evening, Lori returned home from work late. She entered the two-room apartment fearing the worst. Tim had arrived home before her and was waiting in their livingroom on the couch. "There wasn't any lights on and it was dark, but I knew he was there and unhappy," says Lori. Lori entered the apartment and could smell the alcohol on her husband's breath. She tried to pretend like nothing was wrong, but she knew Tim and his uncontrolled behavior. Tim was immediately in Lori's face, yelling at her, demanding to know where she had been and why she was late. Her explanations that work had kept her longer than she had planned fell on deaf ears. "The next thing I can remember is lying on the floor, and tasting blood in my mouth. Tim was standing over me calling me a slut and a liar," says Lori without emotion. Lori went to work the next day in sunglasses even though it was cloudy and dark. She had a fattened bruised lip and cuts around her eyes. She recalls explaining to her co-workers that she had fallen on a patch of ice. She jokingly called herself a klutz, hoping they would believe her story. "As bad as my story was, people believed me. Never would anyone think that Tim would do this to his newlywed wife!" exclaims Lori. Life for Lori continued like this for what seemed to her as forever. Lori endured this brutal chaos, hoping one day he would change and again become the man she fell in love with. Unfortunately, Lori's circumstances are not uncommon in today's society. Even here in Cache Valley the domestic violence cases are rising. According to angelfire.com, a web site on domestic violence that obtains their information from the Cache Valley Police Department, "in 1999, there were 156 domestic violence incidents reported in Cache Valley. However, only 120 arrests were made. 95 of the offenders were men and 28 were women." "In the year 2000, from January to June, there was 96 arrests made due to domestic violence," explains angelfire.com. It claims "statistically, the home is more dangerous to a woman than are city streets." This frightening statistic demands stronger laws and enforcement of those laws, as well as a demand for increased education on domestic violence. In 1997, the Logan City Police Department was granted federal funding which provided a full-time detective specifically assigned to investigate domestic violence incidents. This resource has provided a step-up in countering domestic violence. Detective Brian Low, the domestic violence investigator with the Logan Police Deptartment., published an article in the Herald Journal where he explained the dramatic pro- active measures the police force is taking against domestic violence. "Since 1997, the number of domestic violence-related arrests have increased more than 150 percent," explains Low. Even with this increase in arrests, Det. Low is uncertain that we will see a decrease in the violence. "With the growth of the city and county, we anticipate more and more calls for service related to domestic violence; however, we hope with education, aggressive enforcement of domestic violence laws, and excellent victim and offender rehabilitation services, the problem of domestic violence will become an issue which will affect much less of the population than it currently does." Law enforcement is one step in countering domestic violence. But as Det. Low has indicated, it is not the only way of stopping the violence. Public education is also an important part of decreasing the numbers of victims. Utah's Attorney General agrees with Det. Low. His web site, www.attygen.state.ut.us, is dedicated to educating the public on domestic violence. This web site defines domestic violence: "The term domestic violence includes a variety of abusive behaviors or threats of abuse. The following examples describe some of the ways a person can be abused. Physical, sexual, and psychological." The web site describes each aspect of abuse in great detail. The web site also dismisses some of the myths of domestic violence. Some examples of these myths are "domestic violence is a private family matter," and "batters are 'sick, poor or alcoholic' and those factors cause the batterer to abuse." Seemingly these myths are logically untrue. However, many people think this way when it comes to domestic violence. Along with these myths, the Attorney General of Utah provides a clear plan for those who are currently in a violent situation and want to get out. This information includes how to seek help, how to file a restraining order, how Utah law can protect you from abuse and how to get help if you are a abuser. Domestic violence is becoming a common occurrence in Cache Valley's society. Many victims, like Lori, are being held hostage by the abuse. Education, law enforcement, and a willingness to be removed from an abusive environment are keys for safer homes. Lori is not in an abusive relationship any longer. She is raising her little girl to know about abuse and how to protect herself against it's destructive powers. "I feel that I am a better person from my experiences with abuse," says Lori. "However, I pray daily that my daughter will never have to go through that kind of misery!"
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