| Pre-marital
'marriage education' should be mandatory in Utah
By Brooke Nelson
December 5, 2005 | Hair
stylists, chefs and nail technicians are all required
to have state licenses. Clients look for them to be
displayed on the wall, or at the very least, tacked
to the door or mirror to ensure those providing services
have the proper training and education to be operating
a business. These licenses are non-negotiable: no license,
no business. No one questions the logic behind the requirements
and no one would ever suggest that personal freedoms
are being imposed on by these mandates.
Marriage licenses should require
education, too. A person wanting to sell cupcakes or
beef jerky out of their home must obtain permission
from the state, but all anyone who wants to get married
needs to provide is proof they are both over 18. In
some states, you don't even need that. Surely, the intent
to start a family should be taken as seriously by society
as the intent to start a business.
I was a senior in high school and
graduation was only a semester away. A few of us sat
talking as we discussed our college application plans
and where we expected to find each other in a few years.
The subject of marriage came up, all of us acknowledging
that if we followed the same timeline our parents had,
each of us would be married at our five-year reunion.
More than a couple in the group scoffed at the idea.
That was a different time, they said, and getting married
young hadn't done anyone in their lives any good.
One friend in particular seemed wary
of the idea of ever committing to someone for that long
at such a young age. "How can you know you love someone
else when you don't even know who you are yet?" he asked.
His parents, married in their late teens, had divorced
and remarried at least once. The world created by young
marriage in his life was one of chaos and confusion.
"It's too easy to get a divorce," he went on to say.
"Of course, maybe my parents shouldn't have been married
in the first place." It was clear the emotional stress
his parents had put him through could not be blamed
on the ease of divorce in this country, but the lack
of knowledge, of both marriage and each other, his parents
went into their marriage with in the first place.
Things haven't changed much. In 2004,
nearly one-fourth of all women in Utah who got married
that year were 19 or younger.
It is true that the decision to get
married is very different from deciding to cut hair
or be a chef. These activities require state mandated
training and education in order to protect public safety
and health. Marriage on the other hand, it could be
argued, is a purely personal affair, a decision that
impacts private lives only and such mandation would
be a serious violation of personal rights.
But marriage is not a purely personal
matter. Divorce is costing the state of Utah $300 million
a year, averaging $312 per household. Divorce costs
the U.S. $3.3 billion a year. Public harm is being done,
and mandating that proof of marriage education or counseling
must be provided prior to any marriage license is issued
is the solution.
This requirement is especially important
in Utah where the average age of marriage is 3.5 years
younger than the rest of the country. Marriage education
(different than marriage counseling) has been proven
to reduce the risk of divorce by 30 percent. Eighteen
percent of divorces occur in the first two years of
marriage and pre-marriage education can help newlyweds
transition into their new responsibilities and expectations.
These services can also help couples understand the
obligation they are entering into during a time when
they can still opt out.
Critics have argued that imposing
such a measure is too drastic or extreme. Not all couples
need such education to succeed, they say. But the current
system isn't working. Ninety percent of USU graduates
will get married, and 20 percent of them will be divorced
within four years; everyone is paying.
The ills of society threatening families
do not begin in the courtroom with a legal divorce.
They begin long before when two people take on a commitment
they are simply unprepared for.
NW
CC |
